I am experiencing the world right now with a radiating dread. When my phone rings I dread that it is debt collection agencies, who are speaking for credit companies that would not grant me deferment for the last quarter of this year, while I am student teaching. I dread that it is my mother to whom I am not currently talking, who had suddenly moved in with a new, recently bereaved family seemingly out of the blue, leaving her relationship of 30 years, her dogs, her art studio. I dread that it is my father who is so confused and sad and who has been sleeping on my couch on the weekends to avoid being alone. I dread that I have not handed in all of the student teaching paperwork correctly, that I have done so from the wrong email account, with the wrong date, at the wrong time.
I dread saying the wrong thing about the Israel and Palestinian crisis of which is so often taken out of historical context, which is both unsurprising like a forgotten pot boiling over and an unspeakable and deadly tragedy. It can be both things. Can't it be both? A tipping point and also a continuance of Israel's crimes against humanity? Palestine the pot? Israel the flame? Hamas the water finally boiling over? Free Palestine. I stand with the people of Gaza.
“And so I am desperately reminding people of the systemic. I’m desperately reminding my friends and community members that we know what systemic oppression looks like.
I cannot shield you from that, my dear friends, even in your grief. I cannot make a silo for my words so that they only hit people who will not be hurt by them. I cannot and I should not. Because your grief and our collective fear of adding to that grief is being used to justify a silencing in the wake of a genocide.” - Ijeoma Oluo
I dread the ongoing and incoming climate crisis. I dread doing the dishes tonight when I get home from the elementary school where last week I dropped a ladybug into each of the children's hands before releasing it outside. I told the children "he's small and nervous, let's let him go." One of the kids responded "oh you know him?" "Yes," I said "personally".
I am going to be releasing one paid newsletter a month, where I will talk about more personal things - the goings on of right now, of my relationships and my life. I am also student teaching, taking night classes, and struggling to pay my bills. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber, for as little as $5 a month. It would make a world of difference.